Retrograde
by Hyou-kun
Summary: [lite RenIchi] [to decline into a worse condition, exhibiting degeneration or deterioration] He's holding on by a thread. He's in thousands of pieces, cracking even more with each passing day. Pick up the time scarred fragments, and bring them together.


Dunno where this came from... But it takes place about 8.25 years after the Arrancar War.

Lots of angsty-angst. ;D

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Retrograde  
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After the war ended, a disturbing calm swept over the worlds. Those who knew of it never spoke of it, those who didn't remained ignorant. Shell shock hit over half the shinigami population, as well as those of the human souls that participated in the war. All the close calls on Death's door caused many of the humans to shy away from all things Soul Society related.

Ichigo was no different. He tried to stick with his remaining shinigami friends after the mass corssroads taken with his mortal friends. It didn't pan out how he had hoped. He was practically told to never go near another shinigami again, as his status as 'hybrid' became common knowledge. The orange haired hybrid couldn't spend a day with those closest to him in kin; the vaizards. Hueco Mundo was just as inviting.

Unfortunately, no one took note of the trauma the now young adult in his mid twenties suffered from. The deaths he could've prevented. Watching Rukia, Inoue, and Chad killed within his range of vision. He hated himself for letting them die while he was busy fighting that damned Ulquoirra. Grimmjow had killed Rukia and Inoue, Noitora had killed Chad and fatally wounded Ishida.

The biggest blow to the orange haired hybird was the loss of his body. Aizen had unleashed his lower arrancar, and Kon was killed while inside his body. He was grateful his father protected his sisters.

- - - - -

Ichigo looked behind him from the building he was standing on top of. Someone had entered the field he always had around himself. This field spanned about five hundred meters in radius, and that was as far as he let his reiatsu these days. It was far enough so that he had plenty of warning that someone was trying to approach him.

He raised an eyebrow at the familiar reiatsu. Wasn't _he_ supposed to stay away from him under orders of that fucked up old man? Ichigo heard _him_ jumping from roof to roof, following him. He could tell by the sounds _he_ made while moving. However, he never saw _him_ coming.

Ichigo turned to face the approaching shinigami, his arms crossed and looking irritated.

- - - - -

Renji had been following Ichigo for a few hours, keeping his distance. Unfortunately for him, his quarry had stopped on a rooftop. He noticed this a little too late, and stopped just inside of the field Ichigo had created.

'This is weird. Why do I suddenly feel Ichigo's reiatsu, when I couldn't sense it while following him?' He thought with confusion and irritation at the forefront of his feelings. Renji remained unaware that Ichigo had perfected his control of his reiatsu, something the strawberry blond hadn't told a soul.

The red head continued closing the gap between the hybrid he had been searching for, for years. And there was Ichigo, watching him, scrutinizing him.

"What do you want Renji?" His bluntness with people skills certainly hadn't diminished over the years. "You're not supposed to be around me. You know that."

"I'm here for a reason."

"And that would be?"

"Yamamoto-soutaicho and the 46 want to talk with you."

"Since when does Seireitei want me? It's been eight years since the war ended. Seven and a half since I was banished. They gonna kill me? Someone handicapped from their war against some egotistical sadist?"

"Since when have you cared about your well being? But that's not the point! They want you back. Hell, they're inviting all vaizards back!"

Ichigo's eye brows furrowed in farther. "I'm not a vaizard Renji. You should know that."

"You're not?! But you have the hollow mask and what-not!"

"There is one distinct difference. And you should know it," Ichigo said as he turned his back to the shinigami.

"Ichigo!" Renji raised his voice slightly before flash stepping in front of him again. "Why are you pushing me away?! I came here to bring you back, and I'm not going back to face Yamamoto-soutaicho's anger at me failing a personal mission!"

"Why should that matter to me? I'm not part of Soul Society. Remember? I'm banished."

"We can lift it!"

"Renji, you're not making my life easier by doing this."

"What do you mean? I'm trying to help you! I spent five years trying to over turn your exile! Took another three years for the R&D Department to find your sorry ass!"

"It shouldn't have been that hard to find me."

"Bull shit! You keep your reiatsu insanely low. I can barely feel you now, and I'm right in front of ya!"

Ichigo stretched out a scarred hand, a large pale, triangular slash took up a third of his hand. The orange haired hybrid felt Renji jump slightly under the touch.

"Renji, please leave me alone," Ichigo whispered. His tone was quiet and sad. His banishment was a bigger blow to him then he would ever let on. He tried to stick with his school friends, but they had all changed greatly. The vaizards weren't helpful either. He wanted no part of Hueco Mundo. So he settled on wandering Japan, alone, his mind on pretty much nothing. Unless Ogihci wanted to talk or do something of meager interest.

Renji's hands rested on the blind hybrid's shoulders, his expression serious. Ichigo tilted his head to the hand on his left shoulder. He let his hand drop. His scarred face showing signs of deep thought.

"Renji," he mumbled, the tears he couldn't nor wouldn't shed were heard in his voice. He didn't know why he was cracking now, of all times. "Please. Go away. Leave me alone. I don't want or need anyone to survive my life the way I am living it."

The red head was startled to say the least. Ichigo was the strongest person he knew, and he was cracking after a request to go back. And even so, the hidden anger leaking from the hybrid's voice made him a little uneasy.

"Ichigo... I'm not goin' 'til you give me a good reason ta leave ya alone."

Ichigo's head dropped, his body started shacking. It only lasted a minute, no, less than that. He looked at the red head, his pale eye socket and damaged eye watching him. The usually blank white eye with a dark mahogany slash through it turned black, the slash gold. His mask forming on the side of his head. The blotch of pale skin covering his right eye seemed to turn pure white.

"Renji, please. Just leave me alone. I don't want to be near anyone who doesn't give a shit about what happens to me. Why be around someone, when they aren't going to help or accept me?" The hybrid took a step back, away from Renji. His features looked like he was on the verge of breaking down mentally and emotionally.

"Ichigo," the shinigami said, slowly closing the gap between them. He reached out to the hybrid cautiously. "Why do you think I don't give a shit about you? You're my best friend, and the only friend I had that survived the war in one piece."

A quick jolt of pain swept through his arm, and he looked down at Ichigo's hand gripping his tattooed arm. Only, it was a clawed hand, not a human one. The nails seemed to be testing the their ability not to cut into his arm when clutched.

"Leave me alone," his tone was getting madder, his black eye was lined with tears that wouldn't fall.

"Ichigo, I'm not leavin' you. Even more so now that I know you aren't okay!"

"I will rip your arm off if you try anything akin to that. I don't need help!"

One stream of tears was falling down his face. They fell slowly and angered their owner with each one. His eye brows were bent in as much as they could. Ichigo's usual scowl darkened greatly. His black eye didn't help with his appearance. Anyone who wasn't prepared to talk to the hybrid probably would've run off by now, otherwise they'd be frozen in fear.

Renji felt his stomach knot. 'He's... broken. We broke him,' he thought. "I'm sorry, Ichigo." The red haired shinigami continued towards the shattered hybrid, not caring about his arm at the moment. 'We broke him, and let the winds carry the pieces wherever they would go.'

Ichigo tried to back away, his heart rammed against his chest as his adrenalin started to flow. It hurt. It hurt to have pity thrust onto him. Especially from Renji.

"Go away!" Ichigo yelled, throwing Renji away from him. He clutched his head in his hands, his hollow one drawing fine lines of blood. His knees buckled under him, and he curled into himself. His back faced the sky, and his mask cracked. "Leave me alone," he cried to everyone, and no one. "I'm not needed anymore! Just let me rot, dammit!"

Renji pulled himself back up the building, hearing Ichigo's plea, but ignoring it. He couldn't leave the depressed and broken berry turn to a fine dust and vanish completely. No. Ichigo was still in pieces. Pieces could be put back together, dust didn't have that ability.

He walked up the blind hybrid, whose body was shaking like it was well past a hundred degrees below freezing. Renji gently lied his hand on Ichigo's shoulder, and it brought a whimper from the blind hybrid. He also seemed to pull into himself more, Renji noted.

The red head crouched down before pulling Ichigo into his chest as he fully sat down. He slowly stroked the hybrid's hair, watching the metaphorical cracks in Ichigo become bigger. 'He's on his last strand of sanity...'

"Calm down, Ichigo," he whispered kindly. "Everyone has been worried about you."

The berry curled back into his ball, tears streaking across half his face. "Go away... I just wanna be alone... die alone..."

Renji inwardly flinched. Ichigo no longer even held a will to live? He was fucked up more than anyone in Soul Society had given him credit for. He wasn't even thirty, and he had been put out by the only few places that had even the slightest chance of accepting him. Soul Society dumped him in the human realm because of his race, his friends had all practically gone insane, and the vaizards wanted no part of someone who always seemed to have trouble swarming around them.

"No one wants you to die, even more so alone. Relax Ichigo, it's going to be okay now. There's a home waiting for you."

"I... don't have a... h-home," Ichigo hiccuped, pulling away from Renji. "Go away, Renji."

"No," the red head stated, pulling Ichigo back to him. To his surprise, Ichigo came compliantly. The younger one even buried his face in Renji's shihakusho. His arms slowly snaked around Renji's abdomen after a while too.

"Don'... leave me alone... any... more," the hybrid cried quietly before slipping into unconsciousness. A few more tears slipped down his face before Ichigo's body stilled.

Renji sighed in relief. Ichigo had calmed down, and was most likely drained from his episode. He could feel his sadness and anger in all the words he said, and they kept biting at the shinigami's stomach and heart. Between his fingers wasn't only the hair and material on the rejected hybrid, but also the final pieces of the Ichigo he knew from before the war. He could tell the boy was probably broken beyond repair, but he'd give it a shot anyway. Who knows, maybe working to help the hybrid would help him understand why his chest hurt so much after seeing him like that.

- - - - - - - - - -

Yeah... no idea where this came from. Just popped into my head while rewatchin' _Identity_. I need to get a life...

Lookin' at the ending, I could probably continue this. That is, if I get inspiration and/or enough support for one. Even then, I'm still not sure. I'm gonna make it mainly up to you guys. 8D

**REVIEW!**


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